Untangling the emotional knots in family businesses
家族企业的“感情困境”
Family businesses have long demonstrated that the close relationships, loyalty and commitment that bind families domestically can also account for their business success. 长期以来家族企业的发展历程表明，使家庭内部紧密联系起来的亲密关系、忠诚以及承诺同样能够解释家族企业的成功。［注意语序的灵活调整］
The model has certainly worked for Donald Trump. The US president-elect joined his father’s property company as a youngster and his three eldest children — Donald Jr, Ivanka and Eric — hold executive positions in what is now a multinational empire［从句］. He has announced that the two sons will take control of his business interests before he takes office on January 20. They, together with son-in-law Jared Kushner, have been leading players in his presidential campaign and transition team. 该模式在唐纳德•特朗普(Donald Trump)身上无疑是有效的。这位美国新总统在年轻时即加入了自己父亲的房地产公司，而他的三个年长子女——小唐纳德(Donald Jr)、伊万卡(Ivanka)和埃里克(Eric)——则在已成为跨国集团的家族企业中担任管理职务。两个儿子与女婿贾里德•库什纳(Jared Kushner)在特朗普的总统竞选团队以及过渡团队中都扮演了关键角色。
The varied fortunes of Mr Trump’s enterprises over the years, however, reflect another truth about family businesses. Statistics show that only 30 per cent of such companies survive beyond the next generation. 但特朗普旗下企业过去多年来的命运起伏反映了有关家族企业的另一条真理。统计数据显示，只有30%的家族企业传续到了下一代手中。
Manfred Kets de Vries, a psychoanalyst and professor of leadership development and organisational change at Insead business school, in Family Business on the Couch , says measuring performance alone does not explain so many business failures. Unresolved family disputes and individuals’ unconscious motivations often lead to communication breakdowns and escalating conflicts. 精神分析学家和欧洲工商管理学院领导力发展与组织变革教授曼弗雷德•凯茨•德弗里斯(Manfred Kets de Vries)在《沙发上的家族企业》(Family Business on the Couch)一书中说，仅仅考察业绩表现无法解释为何如此之多的企业失败。未解决的家庭争端和个体无意识的动机常会导致沟通失败、冲突升级。
In my psychotherapy practice I have seen how repressed jealousies, sibling rivalries or longstanding resentment can wreak造成 havoc大破坏 in a family company. Typically, difficult conversations are avoided because they risk opening rifts不和 but paradoxically this endangers relationships. 在我的心理疗法治疗中，我曾经见过被压抑的嫉妒心、手足之间的敌对竞争或是由来已久的怨恨是如何在家族企业中造成严重破坏的。典型的情况是，困难的谈话被避开了，因为这可能导致不和公开化，但矛盾的是，这同样可能导致家族成员间的关系陷入危机。
Tom Davidow is a family therapist and family business consultant based in Boston, Massachusetts. In more than 30 years he has witnessed the pitfalls awaiting family businesses where relationships go wrong. 汤姆•达维多(Tom Davidow)是一位在马萨诸塞州波士顿工作的家庭治疗师以及家族企业咨询顾问。30多年来，他见证了当家庭成员的关系出现问题时家族企业可能落入的陷阱。
“If you operate on good business practice your chances of having a good family are also very high,” he says. 他说：“如果按照高标准的商业惯例操作，你打造一个成功家庭的概率也将会很高。”
But Dr Davidow has a stark warning for those straying from this path — and the stakes刑柱 are high. “If you make family decisions in business, however, you contaminate the business and possibly also contaminate the family. And you risk losing both.” 达维多医生对那些偏离这条路径的家族企业提出了严重警告——这种偏离可能带来严重后果。“但如果你在企业中按家庭的方式做决策，你将破坏企业的经营氛围，同时也可能对家庭氛围造成不利影响。你将面临失去家庭和企业的风险。”
He believes family businesses can function effectively for lengthy periods, but problems often arise when they move from the early entrepreneurial stage and face growth challenges. The ways family members communicate with each other are too long-established to allow pressing business issues to be discussed properly — it feels too dangerous and disruptive. 他认为，家族企业能够在很长的周期内有效运转，但是问题常会出现在企业走过了早期创业阶段面临发展挑战的时期。家庭成员之间的沟通模式过于根深蒂固，以至于紧迫的商业问题难以得到有效的讨论——讨论这些问题会让人感到过于危险和有破坏性。
“They decide, ‘It’s not worth telling my brother that what he does bothers me’ because if they have to talk about that issue it’s going to open up all these other issues’,” says Dr Davidow. “They are fearful, they don’t want to have meetings because they are worried everything is going to blow up.” 达维多医生说：“他们决定，‘没必要告诉哥哥他的所作所为让我感到困扰’，因为如果必须讨论那个问题，将会连带揭起所有其他的问题。他们对此感到害怕，他们不想召开家庭会议，因为他们担心这会导致所有事情一起爆发。”
Facing up to tensions in the family can leave people overwhelmed and fearing retaliation or rejection from others. The danger, however, is that crucial difficulties are ignored and the business will suffer. 直接面对家庭内部的紧张关系可能导致个人感到难以承受，并担心受到来自他人的报复和拒绝。但真正的危险在于，最关键的难题被无视了，家庭企业将因此受损。
In one family grappling with just such an issue, their manufacturing business managed to function but simmering jealousies, feelings of unfairness and inequalities took a terrible toll on their personal relationships. 有一个家庭在努力应对此类问题，他们的制造企业仍能继续运转，但逐渐发酵的嫉妒心理、以及不公平和不平等的感觉给家族成员之间的个人关系造成了严重影响。
The second son, who came to me for psychotherapy, eventually stopped talking to his father while conflicts with his brother intensified. Early emotional neglect from his parents, and then controlling and dominating behaviour by his father and brother at work, shattered his confidence. 这家人的次子——他到我这里寻求心理治疗——最终不再和自己的父亲说话，与此同时与自己兄长的矛盾冲突也进一步激化。父母在早年对他情感诉求的忽略，以及父亲和哥哥在工作中充满控制欲、强势的行为方式，彻底击碎了他的自信心。
“[The business] ruined me emotionally for many years,” he says. “I think they saw me as a charity case, as if ‘we’re taking him on because there’s nothing else he can do’. My brother saw [the company] as his baby and that I would be taking away from his inheritance.” “多年来家族企业毁掉了我的亲情，”他说道。“我觉得他们把我当成是一个施舍的对象，感觉就像是‘我们带上他，因为他别的什么也做不了’。我哥哥把那家公司看作是自己的孩子，并认为我将会分走他将继承的财产。”
Such was the extent of inequality that the brothers were referred to as the “heir and the spare” within the family, replicating a historic theme. The grandfather, who had founded the company, had left the majority of his wealth to his son but very little to his daughter whom he valued less. 不平等的程度如此之大，以至于两兄弟在家族内部被称为是“继承人与备胎”，重现了上一辈的家族历史。他们的祖父，也是家族企业的创立者，把绝大部分财产留给了自己的儿子，对自己不太重视的女儿［从句］只给了很少一笔钱。
Later the father was to repeat this theme by paying his sons’ salary according to their needs rather than their worth, which would be unheard of in normal business practice. 后来他父亲准备重复这一分配模式，按照两个儿子的开支需要而非他们的价值支付工资，而这在正常的商业运作中几乎是闻所未闻的。
“Because my brother was married with kids, his salary was multiples of my take-home pay, and that added to my resentment. At the time I was single, so my pay reflected that.” “因为我哥哥已经结婚并有了小孩，他的工资比我拿到手的报酬高出数倍，这进一步加深了我的怨恨。当时我还是一个单身汉，而我的薪酬也反映了这一点。”
His repressed rage over being excluded from the “hub” of the business was expressed passively by not talking to his father, or seeking his advice. 他因被排除在家族企业“核心团队”之外而压抑的愤怒，通过不与父亲说话或征求他意见的方式被动表达出来。
“It was a retaliatory thing,” he explains. “If you ignore me, I’m going to ignore you.”“这是一种报复举动，”他解释道。“如果你忽略我，我也将忽略你。”
On occasion, children may join the business primarily to repair a damaged relationship with a parent. A man who came to me for psychotherapy, for example, joined his father’s retail business to make up for the closeness and approval he missed when his parents divorced. 有些时候，子女或许会为了修补与父母的受损关系而加入家族企业。例如，一名来我这里接受心理治疗的男子，为弥补父母离婚时他所错失的亲情和认同感，加入了他父亲的零售企业。
George Stalk, senior adviser and fellow at Boston Consulting Group, and Henry Foley, co-founder of Banyan Family Business Advisors, have identified one of the main traps families fall into as allowing the business to become a fallback option for individuals who cannot succeed elsewhere. Sometimes they are given a position in the company for which they are unqualified or unsuited. 波士顿咨询集团(Boston Consulting Group)高级咨询师乔治•斯托克(George Stalk)以及榕树家族企业顾问公司(Banyan Family Business Advisors)联合创始人亨利•福利(Henry Foley)指出了家庭容易陷入的一大陷阱，即允许家族企业成为在其他领域无法取得成功的家族成员的退路。有些时候家庭成员会被给予家族企业当中他们既缺乏相应资历、也不适合担任的职位。
One such problem arose in a UK property company run by the founding father and his two sons. The older son, who agreed to speak to me, explained that conflicts between himself and his sibling, who has learning difficulties, became intense. 类似的问题出现在一家英国房地产公司中，该公司是由作为创始人的父亲和他的两个儿子共同经营的。其中的长子——他同意与我谈话——解释称，他和具有学习障碍的弟弟之间的冲突变得非常激烈。
Historically the family had rallied to the younger son’s every need and helped bolster his self-esteem. “My job was to protect him,” the older brother recalls. 长期以来，他们的家庭一直连续不断地满足着次子的每个需求，并帮助他增强自尊心。“当时我的工作就是保护他，”长子回忆称。
In the business, however, the younger one interpreted his brother’s protection as intrusive and became hostile towards him. The feud intensified when the time to choose a successor arose, and the younger sibling demanded equal power in the company. 但在家族企业中，次子感到兄长的保护侵犯了他的自主性，变得对兄长充满敌意。两人之间的不和在选择继承人的时刻到来时进一步加剧，次子要求在公司中具有和兄长同等的权力。
With professional help, the family were able to acknowledge they were wrongly protecting him — even allowing him to think his performance was good when it was not. And while they could maintain equality within the family, the business required a hierarchical structure with the best-qualified people at the top. 在专业人士的帮助下，这个家庭最终认识到他们对次子的保护是错误的——他们甚至让他以为自己表现出色，而实际情况并非如此。他们虽然能在家庭内部保持成员平等，但企业需要分等级的权力结构，位于顶层的应是最有能力的人。
The older brother adds: “[Our] reaction was to give him what he wants to make him happy. I rolled over on some business decisions that were very wrong. What we were doing before was unfair, we were not [giving him] a role that suited his strengths.” 长子补充称：“我们的反应是给他他所想要的东西来让他开心。我闭着眼睛同意了一些本身非常错误的商业决策。我们之前的做法是不公平的，我们没有给他一个符合他特长的职位。”
Confusing family matters with business objectives underlies many of these problems. While families are concerned with people’s emotional wellbeing, and issues of love and belonging, businesses are primarily concerned with economic success. Families are also more inward looking, often resisting change, while a business demands innovation and a focus on external events to succeed. 将家庭事务和商业目标混为一谈是很多此类问题的起因。［写作句型］家庭关注的是人们的感情幸福，以及与爱和归属感有关的问题，而企业则主要关注经济上的成功。家庭看问题的方式更加内向，通常抗拒变化，而企业则要求创新，并关注外部事件以获取成功。
Such conflicting interests need to be untangled in any family enterprise that wants to survive into the next generation.任何想要传到下一代人的家族企业都必须理清这种利益冲突。
