翻译天堂 2016-10-12
英语题目A
Recently newspapers have reported that officials in a little-known mountainous area near Guiyang, Guizhou Province wanted to turn the area into a “central business district” for Guiyang and invited a foreign design company to give it an entirely new look. The design company came up with a blueprint for unconventional, super-futuristic buildings. This has triggered off different responses. Some appreciate of the bold innovation of the design, but others held that it failed to reflect regional characteristics or local cultural heritage. What is your view on this? Write an essay of about 400 words. You should supply an appropriate title for your essay.In the first part of your essay you should state dearly your main argument, and in the second part you should support your argument with appropriate details. In the last part you should bring what you have written to a natural conclusion or make a summary.
14分作品
On CBD
The first time I visited Las Vegas, I saw a city of architectural wonders, unprecedented luxury and glamour, and the miniature of all exotic beauty in the vast and remote desert of Arizona. However, the idea of bringing a number of unconventional and super-futuristic buildings to a mountainous area in Guiyang sounds nothing but a joke to me. Despite the local government’s expectation of making the little-known mountainous area into a “central business district”, I dare say it may not necessarily lead to the economic success as wished, but may turn out to be a huge loss to the area. Because the mountainous area doesn’t provide the sufficient resources for a successful running of business, the marketing of the natural resources goes against the needs of the consumer, and the local cultural heritage and regional characteristics may face serious damage.
开首句引入较好，有特色、用词用句优美、审题有点偏差、Thesis statement写得不错、开头段总体符合要求，既介绍了背景，又提出了自己的观点，还指出下面将从三个方面来进行论证、论点与主题有点偏差、用了140词，不够简练。
To begin with, the mountainous area doesn’t meet the needs of a successful central business district. For the success of business, you need a right market, a bunch of right people and the sufficient supporting resources. For manufacturing business you need facilitated transportation for logistics, which is obviously lack in the mountainous area and the cost of infrastructure building will be unpredictable. For service industry you need a bunch of qualified employees, but who might want to work in this little-known area and whether the local residents are qualified still remain a problem. And since the productivity and living standards in mountainous area are mostly below the average in China, a potential market for the revenue of the business is hardly seen in this case.
（1）段落结构完美：Topic sentence、Supporting sentence、Conclusing sentence（2）用修辞手段强调观点，如：排比句 For…、语言运用洗练、得体、缺点：论据符合论点，但是与主题有偏差。
Secondly, the marketing of the mountainous area to be a business central district seems to go against the needs of the consumers. As a marketer you have to learn what your target consumer needs. For Guiyang, I think most people visit for the natural beauty of the landscape and to seek a retreat from the city. The so-called “central business district”, though harbours a beautiful blueprint in mind, is actually more attractive to the tourists rather than the cunning investors.
Thirdly, the local cultural heritage and regional characteristics are under threat with the construction of the business district. Environment will face damage and the local people will face huge cultural shock which might probably lead to the break of cultural heritage continuity. Not to mention the great damage it might bring to the mountainous area that changes it to every other business district. In fact, we need more of the typical features of an area than a uniformed city.
这二段比上面一段逊色，但还是比较严谨，思路明晰。第二点从consumer角度议论，第三点从cultural heritage and regional characteristics 方面议论。讨论比较泛，不够具体。语言语句运用得体，流畅。
The success of Las Vegas contributes to the lucrative gambling profit and huge amount of investment, which Guiyang apparently could not afford. To make a decision, you have to weigh the cost, outcome and the predictable profit. In the case of Guiyang, the government should be more cautious in making such a decision, as the tax-payers’ money may be put at stake。
首尾呼应。建议部分的“如何做决定”有点游离主题。
汉语题目A
莠草，农人整个春天夏天锄它，然而它仍旧精力旺盛，田埂、牧场、田野、花园到处都有它。有人用卑贱的名字称呼它们，例如猪草、苦艾、鸡草；也有人用雅致的名字称呼它们，例如长生草、扶移、雁来红。
阅读上面的材料，你有怎样的感悟或联想？请就此写一篇不少于800字的议论文或记叙文。
58分作品
我自任逍遥
尼采曾说：“你的良知在说什么？你要成为你自己。”是的，不为他人言语而左右，做真实、洒脱的自己，人云随他去，我自任逍遥。（作者开篇没有直接引材料，而是引用尼采的话，抛出“我自任逍遥”的概念，这实际上是先“析”后“述”的表现，下文立马开始“述”材料。如果你觉得先述材料再来分析的模式太土鳖，不妨学学这种，把材料折射出来的意思先写出来，再用类似于“正如”的连接词把材料带出来。）
凭你是用卑贱的名字来玷辱它，抑或是用雅致的名字来赞颂它，莠草只不改变，用一如既往的顽强生命力向世界宣告自己的存在，用逍遥、洒脱的态度来面对一切。（“述”材料并指出莠草所具备的精神品质。上文已经完成了由莠草到人的思维迁移。）
时空流转，万物变迁。他人的言语，终究只会成为过往云烟，只有始终如一地做真实的自己，才不会迷茫。（基于上文的分析，提出观点，“立”。这种把开头三个部分分作三段来写的做法很少见，其实大可不必，如果你担心后面可能字数不够，这也是增大文章篇幅的好办法。）
动漫大师宫崎骏，完美诠释了：人云随他去，我自任逍遥的含义。（一句话点明观点和材料的联系，值得一学。）他从开始接触动漫开始，至最后一部作品《起风了》结束，成名前后，他都不曾被他人的言语左右分毫，保持着童心，对生命的真诚，缔造出一部部伟大的作品。这世上有许多动漫大师，但为何只有宫崎骏红极数十年而不退？只因大多数动漫师，因小有名气便飘然，喜闻他人的赞誉，恶听他人的指正，在他人的言语中飘摇，最后早已忘却了自己的初衷，难以赤子之心以待动漫，又如何能有好作品问世？（用宫崎骏和大多数动漫大师的对比，突出做自己的意义，前者不在乎他人毁誉，缔造一部部好作品，后者在他人的言语中摇摆，没有好作品问世。运用正反对比的举例论证，可谓举例论证的高端境界，在复习备考中，不妨做一些这样的准备，每次用例，多去思考，有没有正好相反的材料可以用。当然，运用对比要注意，两者要具备可比性，宫崎骏和大多数动漫大师，是同类，才可以比。）
他人的言语，倾听理解可以，过度在意反成桎梏，让人失去自我。（一小段过渡，过渡到反面论述太在意他人的言语所带来的后果。）
“蒸汽之父”瓦特因发明了蒸汽机名动世界，使人们由蛮荒跨进了文明。然而，在铺天盖地的赞誉中，这位潜力无限的发明家沉迷其中，再无发明出现。不仅如此，当他的得意门生默多克发明出了改良后的蒸汽车，他知道后怕失去荣誉而竭力阻止。言语对人的影响可见是如此巨大，它究能够使伟人沦为卑鄙的人，把握不好自己，就会在他人的赞誉抑或诋毁中失去本性。不起眼的莠草足以让那些“迷失者”感到汗颜。（用瓦特的材料论证受他人言语影响以至于使伟人沦为卑鄙的人，论证有力。这两段的论述其实受到了评卷老师的批评，因为和上文的论述在同一个层面，这也许就是这篇文章没有上60分的原因吧。）
诚然，要在这个充斥着舆论与浮躁的社会里，做到：人云随他去，我自任逍遥，十分不易。从小，我们便在父母的期盼、他人的评价声里成长。他人的言语时常令我们或喜、或悲。但是，即使如此，不妨给自己心里留下一块空地，使自己不迷失。莫言成名后，并不因名气、评论改变一丝一毫；“红学泰斗”周汝昌丝毫不以其头衔为意，只潜心学术研究；旭日阳刚组合一首《春天里》打动亿万人，他们本可以借此走红，却仍怀抱梦想怀抱木吉他，逍遥地歌唱，这些前辈们使我们相信，做自己并非不能做到。（用了莫言、周汝昌、旭日阳刚几个例子，对观点进行补充，即使不顾他人言语很难，依然可以做到我自任逍遥。其实这一段也没有摆脱上一段论述的层面。如果前面两段充分论述了“意义”和“后果”，我们大可以在第三个论述段来个升级，论述“条件”，比如这里，可以分析他人言语之所以对做自己形成影响，是因为我们自身就缺乏对自己足够的认知，不清楚自己想要什么的人，往往容易因为他们的贬斥而自卑，或者由于他人的称赞而沾沾自喜、得意忘形。所以，想要做自己，前提条件就是扪心自问，自己是谁，需要什么。）
宫崎骏说：“自从立志成为动漫师起，我就决心不为任何而改变自己。” （这句话放在宫崎骏材料的叙述之后，可能更好。）他人的赞誉或指责，不必过于在意。不妨学莠草：人云随他去，我自任逍遥。（回归材料“不妨学莠草”，强调观点，“我自任逍遥”。）
